Originally published in 1996, The Millionaire Next Door is required reading for any nonprofit executive who has fund development as part of his or her job (and that would be everyone). After all, if you’re going to offer these people the opportunity to invest in your organization, wouldn’t you want some insight into how they think?
Authors Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko observe that millionaires spend time with other millionaires. Not in a snobby, “jet off to the Swiss Alps for the weekend” kind of way. No, more often than not by enjoying a simple dinner with friends…and the stimulating conversation that goes with it.
These millionaires spend time with other millionaires because they understand each other and have similar values. Similar interests. Similar motivations.
They find that surrounding themselves with other like-minded people keeps them grounded and focused.
You are an average of the five people you spend the most time with
Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
The impact other people have on you is often subtle, even subconscious. When immersed in a group, you begin to think like them, talk like them, act like them. You probably don’t even notice.
A great example from my own life is visiting my family during the holidays. It is entirely normal for households to develop their own “mini-culture”: habits, patterns, language, etc. The culture my wife and I have established in our household is different from both of our childhood homes–not better or worse, just different.
When spending time with my brothers and sisters, though, I unconsciously fall into old patterns. I become louder (I was one of seven kids; you had to make your voice heard) and my sense of humor becomes more sarcastic. As soon as we leave, I immediately return to my “present-day normal” state. Both switches happen automatically.
Surround yourself with people who have similar goals
Fortunately, this “group average” phenomenon can have a positive effect. Like the illustration of the millionaires above, having a cohort of people who are achievement-oriented can help lift your spirits.
One way to unleash the power of a positive cohort is to join a Mastermind group. These groups, first trumpeted by Napoleon Hill (author of Think and Grow Rich), have gained in popularity in the recent years. The concept is this: a group of five to ten people who have something in common–similar-sized businesses, for instance–meet regularly, either in person or via teleconference (if geographically dispersed). Members of the group share what they’re working on, challenges they’re facing, or a BHAG* they want to be held accountable for. Your colleagues are there to give you what you need: advice, encouragement, or maybe a good old-fashioned kick in the seat of the pants.
Most successful people that I know participate in a mastermind group. Michael Hyatt is one. Pat Flynn writes about his mastermind experience and produced a great podcast about masterminds. I recommend you follow both links if you want to learn more. You can try to find a mastermind group accepting new member, or set up your own.
I’m in on the game, too. I facilitate Wizard Round Tables for nonprofit leaders, which are a little more structured and involved than a typical mastermind group, but offer the same benefits of masterminds. If you’d like to learn more, click here.
Don’t be afraid to get naked
No, not literally (the groups I facilitate require clothes, though I wouldn’t be surprised if some group somewhere did meet “au naturale”).
What I mean is don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Brene Brown has has a great TED talk you should watch, but the gist is this: if you are constantly maintaining a facade of “having it all together” then you’re eliminating all possibility of the people around you helping you with your problems. And let’s face it, we all have at least one difficult-to-solve problem in our lives. We all are carrying some burden that we keep hidden from view.
The real power of mastermind groups is unleashed when members are committed to fully-transparent conversations. These are the things that we would rather ignore than talk about. However, these are precisely the challenges that, once solved, really move the needle on your success.
Push and be pushed
In many circles, it is almost taboo to talk about the big goals we have for ourselves and our organizations. We don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. Similarly, we want to be endlessly supportive of our colleagues even when we clearly see the issue would be resolved if they took assertive action.
You need to find a trusted group where you can feel free to speak frankly; to push them if that’s what they need. The knife cuts both ways, though; you need to be open to the “tough love” doled out by others. This requires you to listen with an open mind and take a journey of introspection to determine the validity of others’ observations.
So if you want to be rich, hang out with rich people
If you want to be successful, hang out with other success-minded individuals. You will be shocked at the changes that happen, seemingly like magic.
Darren Macfee is the founder of the Nonprofit Wizards. His life purposes are to dispense homespun wisdom, grill a perfect meal for his family, and help nonprofit leaders create amazing results for and through their organizations. Follow him on Twitter @DarrenMacfee or send him an e-note. Be sure to sign up for alerts to be sure you never miss a post.
*Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal (BHAG) is credited to Jim Collins and Jerry Porras, authors of Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies.
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