How to become known for your memory

Regular readers of the blog know that I often make statements which seem boastful.

In reality, I think I’m somewhat humble (well, as humble as a person can be as he’s crediting himself FOR BEING HUMBLE!). My strategy is to say provocative things–things that grab your attention and get you to keep reading.

I don’t have all the answers. I just write about what has worked for me and hope it’s helpful to you. But you won’t know if it’s helpful if I don’t get your attention in the first place.

Wasn’t he talking about memory?

Oh yeah. I digressed (is that a word?)…

Anyway, the reason I think I have a great memory is because people tell me so. A while ago I asked about a casual acquaintance’s dog Duke. His response was, “Wow! You’ve got a great memory!” Then he spent the next 10 minutes telling me about Duke’s latest adventures.

My dark secret…

So here is a secret that this acquaintance doesn’t know:

I really don’t have a great memory at all.

In fact, when someone gives me credit for my memory in the presence of my beautiful wife Sherri, she wants to slap them. She doesn’t, of course, because it is socially inappropriate–but she REALLY wants to.

I believe Sherri loves me dearly and is my forever partner. I also believe she is genuinely shocked when I remember the route to drive back to our house at the end of the day.

So how do I do it?

REALLY focus on the other person

I really concentrate on what the other person is saying.

This might sound easy or trivial–but I know I don’t always do it.

Think of the last cocktail reception you went to. Here’s how you lose track of what the person you’re talking to is actually saying:

You half-listen while scanning the room to see who you need to talk to next.
Your conversation partner says something intriguing and you begin to mentally craft a clever response, while they’re still speaking.

You need to resist the urge to do these common things and focus what the person is saying.

Don’t try to remember everything, just remember one thing

If you take nothing else from this post, please make note of this:

You don’t need to remember everything about the other person, you only need to remember one thing.

Seriously. As long as you remain casual acquaintances, you’ll do just fine latching onto one thing. The guy I was telling you about before, we only see each other once a year (or less) at Chamber of Commerce dinners. I know he’s married but I’ve never met his wife, and I don’t recall her name. I know he has kids in the home, but I don’t remember their names or ages.

I hope this doesn’t sound shallow because it isn’t. I truly enjoy his stories of Duke getting loose and chasing a skunk into the bushes, returning with an intolerable stench. Or the time Duke jumped up on the counter and cut his paw on a paring knife, and then ran across the white carpet with blood seeping from his foot.

He and I are fine maintaining our relationship at the kennel it is. As you develop deeper relationships with people, you’ll remember more details about them.

Care

These two tips will do no good if you don’t care.

There seems to be a never-ending debate about introverts versus extroverts. If you are a nonprofit executive, you’re going to be in social situations regularly. Even if you’re introverted (like me), you can learn to navigate these dinners, receptions, etc.

If you find it difficult to actually take an interest in people, though, you won’t be able to remember details about them. If this is you, there’s nothing wrong with it. But maybe being a nonprofit executive isn’t your true calling.

There’s no sense in trying to swim against the current.

Me, I’m naturally curious. I want to find out more about people. It’s like I’m on a treasure hunt, looking for interesting facts.

When you really care and have an interest, remembering that one detail (or more) is easy.

What do you think?

What tricks do you have for remembering things about people? I’d love to hear about it! Send me a message or hop over to the Nonprofit Wizards Facebook page!

Darren Macfee is the founder of the Nonprofit Wizards. His life purposes are to dispense homespun wisdom, grill a perfect meal for his family, and help nonprofit leaders create amazing results for and through their organizations. Follow him on Twitter @NPWizards or send him a note. Be sure to sign up for alerts so you never miss a post.